Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Auto debate: 1957 Chevy vs. 2007 Chevy Impala

This was originally posted here.

Was the '57 Chevy the last car that could honorably wear the royal oil-stained cloth? Is a 2007 Impala an upstart unlike any that has been seen in vehicular manufacturing? Let the evidence be the judge, because that's how real grease monkeys enact the law.

The '57 Chevy is still around--in Cuba. There it is used to ford the intimidating straits between the Bay of Pigs and the Florida Keys. Any Cuban shoe shine can find a way to turn scaffolding for a Castro bust into an alternator, and the sheer girth of the '57 is not taken lightly by any citizen so foolish as to ride a bike near its haunches.

2007 Impala is fast and can distance itself from cheetahs, using a tracking system OnStar will never be able to simulate. It is herbivorous and thus has low fuel costs, though the byproduct of its consumption can be problematic for roadway cleanliness.

The '57 Chevy can be carved out and made into a xeriscape garden or a trans-Atlantic flotation device. It can be painted in red, green, blue or panchromatic.

The 2007 Impala is often hunted by bipeds or quadrupeds, and when eaten its flesh tastes divine (some compare it to "chicken"). Its coast is soft and luxurious, and when poached at a young enough age it retains its sheen.

So in the end I take the '57 for functionality and the 2007 for aesthetics. Any thoughts?

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