Whoremones

For the life of me I cannot determine why all college students look older than I do, though in fact I'm at least a year older than the average collegiate senior. They're taller, hairier, brawnier, and cursed/blessed with more skin creases (that then develop into wrinkles later in life). I've since determined that since I was a young laddy, I've generally eaten low quantities of meats, dairy products, and, to some degree eggs. These foodstuffs have consequently the highest steroid content, and as such would activate all the glands and growth patterns consistent with hormone replacement in post-menopausal women and frequenters of BALCO. Now it's possible I just don't look my age based on a number of other factors, including my lack of professional dress, but I feel comfortable with the notion that all these fraternity boys are bound to early graves due to their fondness of Micky D's.